"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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