Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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