Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
