Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
