life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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