I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize