Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
