and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
