I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I see more hoeing in ur future
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
