do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
this beer tastes like vomit already
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
