Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
