he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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