hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
