The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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