Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
