I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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