Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
