Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
