i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
