Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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