We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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