You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
