I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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