hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
