Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
