She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
