I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
