just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
