Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
A bitchslap is in order.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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