Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
