I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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