P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
