I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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