So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
