No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
