Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do vagina's smell?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
