Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
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My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
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Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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