i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Randomize
