I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
