This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
