Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
