I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
