are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
