Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
