John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
