He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
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After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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