why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
