I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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