i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
