yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you have to choose: penises or morals?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
