You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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