Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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