I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
