I think i peed on brittanys purse
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
