if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
