i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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