He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize