so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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