I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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