Whod you bang
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
did i just pee glitter
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
