he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
