I am in a vortex of obligation.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
