We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize