Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
