also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
