I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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